We believe that an over-reliance on structure and routine for children creates individuals who have a difficult time adapting to new situations.  Many parents find that their children are easier to manage when they keep a very consistent routine.  The problem with over-reliance on routine, however,  is that kids who have an overly structured life cannot function if the routine falls apart.  When the time comes to stay up a little late or push dinner back a few hours to experience something great, they can’t do it.  They have never experienced hunger and learned that hunger is a perfectly healthy and acceptable feeling when one knows they will eventually get food.  They have never experienced being tired and accepting it and learning to have a great time anyway.  For kids who are raised in an ultra-structured environment, their routine becomes their rock.  But routine is a weak rock, a crumbly foundation.  

When our kids were 8, 6 and 4, we went to visit my cousin’s family in Key West.  One evening that stands out in my mind and really helped to solidify this philosophy occurred on this trip.  We were out on their boat, parked at an island around sunset.  We had planned to head home before the sunset to get dinner, but the ocean and sky were particularly magical this evening and instead, we decided to stay and watch.  As we watched the sunset, we started talking about sharks and how they feed at dusk.  Wilson told my cousin that he wanted to catch a shark and he said, “let’s do it.” Instead of heading home, we headed for one of his fishing spots.  He set poles up for all of the kids and they started catching fish faster than we could take them off and re-bait the poles.  I have this vivid memory of all of my kids shrieking with excitement as everyone on the boat got caught up in this amazing moment.  We didn’t catch any sharks, but we did catch a mess of fish for dinner.  As we finally headed home with only a hint of sunlight left on the horizon and some solid Jimmy Buffet radio playing in the background, I literally cried tears of joy. Once we got back to the house, the kids helped clean the fish and we ate the most amazing fish tacos with fresh mangoes from their tree at midnight.  Yes, my 4, 6 and 8 year old children did not eat dinner until midnight and they loved it.  They loved every minute of it.  They never complained that they were hungry or that they were tired.  Because those 5 hours of life were worth more than 100 hours of sleep.  Those 5 hours also did more to solidify their relationships with everyone on the boat than 100 hours of routine interactions.

My goal for my children is for each of them to live the fullest life possible.  In order to do that, they need to be able to adapt and to capitalize on amazing moments when they happen.  Having the confidence and security to live an unstructured life, however, does require a solid foundation. For our kids, our family is that rock.  They don’t need routine, because they have the confidence that as long as we are together, we can do anything we set our minds to.  We may all be a little bit hungry.  We may all be a little bit tired, but that’s okay, because we will get food and we will get to sleep soon enough.  Ultimately, the goal is for each child to one day become that for themselves, to eventually come to a spot when ‘we’ becomes ‘I’ and they realize that they can each do anything they set out to do.

Our current trip is a manifestation of our life philosophy. It is a complete removal of routine and familiarity and structure.  It is no bedtimes and no borders. During the next 6 months, we will be living entirely outside of our comfort zone.  Things will go wrong, there will be challenges, and our hope is that we can take them on together and find and engage in those magical moments together all around the world.

Images Provided by Joseph and Wendi Owen